Suddenly This Summer

Lot’s of queer happenings this summer as I lay along the shore of Brighton Beach’s
newly designated gay bay and ignore everything but tight little bodies in tight little
Speedos. The two biggest stories to rock the queer world this summer were of
course The LOGO Network and H.R.C.’s joint presentation of The Visible Vote ’08: A
Presidential Forum, and of course Florida’s Republican State Rep. Bob Allen, as well
as Idaho’s Republican Larry Craig cruising bathrooms for dirty liberal sex - well
wiggle my foot under a bathroom stall!
    Youtube smacked us in the face when it censored and restricted posts of
television’s first ever gay-teen kiss compliments of As the World Turns’ Luke and
Noah. Youtube reconsidered under pressure from LGBT activists citing the lack of
censorship on juvenile videos that toss around the words queer and faggot with
impunity. Merv Griffin died in his closet (figuratively), and Chris Austin, head of
Renew Ministries, an ex-gay movement mess, was sentenced to ten years in prison
for sexual assaulting a client.
    Of particular importance to Brooklyn Queers, the Michael Sandy murder trail has
finally gained momentum as one of the accused plead guilty to robbery as a hate
crime and agreed to testify against the others accused of murdering this gay
Brooklyn man. A press release this summer from Equality Forum reports that 463 of
the 2007 Fortune 500 companies now include sexual orientation in their employment
nondiscrimination policies (take that Hallmark), and a study released in the Journal
of Modern History offers historical evidence that homosexual civil unions may have
existed six centuries ago. All this while I lay tanning.
     First things first: The sex. Much has been written about Larry Craig’s twitching
foot and lurid hand signals; he wiggled his foot under a bathroom stall, followed it up
with a couple of hand signals only to have them cuffed. Craig was charged with
trying to solicit an undercover officer for sex in a sting operation. He is joined by 39
other men arrested on similar charges in this three-month long operation. Much less
has been written about the fact that a political body that frightens us daily with
images of terrorism and chemical weaponry has no better use for their massive
funding and forces than to hang around men’s rooms waiting for that most evil of all
WMD’s, the wiggling foot.
    Keep in mind these operations are arresting men - not for having sex, but for
soliciting sex according to the arresting officers interpretation. Either way, screw
Larry Craig, he ought to be locked up anyway just for his solid anti-gay voting
record. Besides, Republican Sate Rep. Bob Allen’s tearoom tête-à-tête was much
more interesting.
     When arrested for soliciting an undercover officer for sex, Allen’s initial excuse
was that he was the only white guy in a crowd of black men, he was nervous and
feared he “was about to become a statistic”. Right. The best course of action
whenever one feels threatened in the role of minority is to offer someone in the
majority a blowjob. I must remember this the next time I go into the Chinese takeout
down the block at closing time. But here’s the best part: According to the arresting
officer’s statement, the officer said, "do you want just (oral sex)?" and Allen replied,
"I was thinking you would want one." The republican bottom strikes again. Makes me
wonder why I’ve been wasting my time at Excelsior and Plum Beach, I’m gonna start
hitting Republican fundraisers; donate $10 to Giuliani’s campaign and get a blowjob.
Speaking of fundraisers…
    While not exactly a fundraiser, The Visible Vote ’08: A Presidential Forum, found
most of the democratic presidential hopefuls so queer-friendly that co-moderator
Melissa Ethridge probably could have had Hillary right there on the spot. All
candidates supported civil unions, none but Kucinich and Gavel came out in favor of
gay marriage; it is unfortunate that Kucinich and Gavel are about as likely to win the
presidency as America is to recognize gay marriage any time soon. Obama and
Edwards stopped short of saying they were pro-marriage, the former painting civil
unions as if they were nirvana, that latter recanting a previous statement in which he
claimed it was his faith that formed his opposition to gay marriage, yet offered no
explanation as to why he continues to oppose such legislation.
    The obvious winners (if a not-debate forum can have winners) of the evening
were Hillary Clinton and Dennis Kucinich. Damn Hillary, every time I think I’m justified
in my dislike of her, she does something to draw me back in – it’s quite a
dysfunctional relationship we have. She was, in a word, charming. In several words
she was astute, straightforward, realistic, and apparently as honest as a politician
can be. While the crowd was clearly dismayed with Edwards’ censure of gay
marriage, Hillary had a better twist when asked why she was opposed to gay
marriage, "I prefer to think of it as being very positive about civil unions." Her charm
that evening enabled her to pull off this evasive act. She reminded us that it was only
2 years ago that all these states were enshrining homophobia in their state’s
constitution. “This has not been a long-term struggle yet.”
    Moderator Melissa Ethridge turned it personal when she questioned Hillary on
what she perceived as the broken promises of the previous Clinton administration,
i.e., “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”. “I don’t see it quite the way that you described” answered
Hillary, and went on to interpret DADT as a great advance at that time. I believed
her.
    The other big winner of the night was Ohio Congressman Dennis Kucinich who
supports most everything on the LGBT agenda. One of only two democratic
presidential candidates that supports full out gay marriage, Kucinich came off like a
lovable ex-hippie, speaking about love as a concept, not just a legal question. “Love
has that transformative power,” He intoned like Deepak Chopra sans the accent.
Tantamount to watching Wayne Dyer on PBS, his closing message to the gay
community was “I send you great love.”
Kumbaya my lord.