Girls Don't Always Just Wanna Have Fun

Bisexual. This word is often quite the conversation starter. I remember when
I was younger, my father told me he thought bisexuals just couldn't decide
which sex they really wanted and that if they wound up spending their life
with a person of the same sex, then they were gay. I am a 24 year old
bisexual woman born and raised in Brooklyn. I feel that no matter who I wind
up with, I will always consider myself to be bisexual.
     For most of my life, I didn't realize it was possible for me to be
interested in another woman. In school growing up, I knew little of
homosexuality. It wasn't really until high school in fact that I remember
noticing much about it at all. There were two girls specifically that I noticed.
Most people noticed. They were... "odd." Different. They hung out almost
exclusively with each other. Not because they were dating, just because
they were the same. I remember them very well. I had one class with both of
them and did a project with the pair. They
were so smart and so interesting.
One of those girls wound up helping to start
the school's only gay/straight alliance.
And I thought, it was such a great thing for
someone to do.
     Recently I ran into one of those girls
again at a lesbian bar. It must have been
about five years later. I recognized her
immediately. I remembered her full name.
I barely remember some of my friends' full
names. She was surprised to see me there.
We talked. It was nice. I explained how I was
bisexual but made sure to tell her that I was
dating mostly women for the time being.
Usually, I feel that I have to slip that in to a
conversation if I'm even remotely interested
in a girl.
     There seems to be a stigma surrounding bisexuality. Most lesbians are
hesitant to date a self proclaimed bisexual. They are afraid of losing them to
a man. I don't blame them. It seems there are so many women out there
now who think it may be fun to "explore" homosexuality. But they don't think
about who they may be hurting. Just like most bisexual men are thought to
be gay and just not fully out of the closet yet. We are not all like this though.
     I call myself bisexual because I am attracted to men and women. It is not
because I am greedy. It is not because I want everyone. It is actually very
confusing sometimes and there are moments where I wish I had never
kissed that first girl that I liked. That girl I met in a movement class at school,
who looked at me in a way I'd never been looked at by a girl before. The girl
who changed my life.
     But I did kiss her. And I kissed her again. And I don't regret opening up
my world to something I hadn't even realized was so much a part of me.
Sometimes I associate with being straight. Sometimes I associate with
being a lesbian. I call myself bisexual mainly to be honest. Not to be "cool"
or trendy. I don't want to lie to the women and men I am dating. It is a word
that you may not trust or understand. But it is the best one I have for right
now. JW